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Review
“Henry brings the heart and the mind together, showing that constructive relationships support us in making our own lives and the lives of others better. There is no singular success; we all need to work with ‘others’ to become our best selves. This book shows you where to look.” (Maria Shriver, journalist, founder of Shriver Media, the Women's Alzheimer's Challenge, and A Woman's Nation Maria Shriver, journalist, founder of Shriver Media, the Women's Alzheimer's Challenge, and A Woman's Nation Maria Shriver, journalist, fo)
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From the Back Cover
A bestselling author and expert on the psychology of leadership identifies the critical ingredient for personal and professional well-being.Most leadership coaching focuses on helping leaders build their skills and knowledge and close performance gaps. These are necessary steps, but not sufficient. Using evidence from neuroscience and his work with leaders, Dr. Henry Cloud shows that the best performers draw on another vital resource: personal and professional relationships that fuel growth and help them surpass current limits.Popular wisdom suggests that we should not allow others to have power over us, but the reality is that they do, for better or for worse. Consider the boss who diminishes you through cutting remarks versus one who challenges you to get better. Or the colleague who always seeks the limelight versus the one who gives you the confidence to finish a difficult project. Or the spouse who is honest and supportive versus the one who resents your success. No matter how talented, intelligent, or experienced, the greatest leaders share one commonality: the power of the others in their lives.Combining engaging case studies, persuasive findings from cutting-edge brain research, and examples from his consulting practice, Dr. Cloud argues that whether you’re a Navy SEAL or a corporate executive, outstanding performance depends on having the right kind of interpersonal connections to fuel personal growth and minimize toxic associations and their effects. Presenting a dynamic model of the impact these different kinds of connections produce, Dr. Cloud shows readers how to get more from themselves by drawing on the strength and expertise of others. You don’t have a choice whether others have power in your life, but you can choose what kinds of relationships you want.
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Product details
Hardcover: 256 pages
Publisher: HarperBusiness (May 3, 2016)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0061777145
ISBN-13: 978-0061777141
Product Dimensions:
9.4 x 6.2 x 0.9 inches
Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.7 out of 5 stars
221 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#33,061 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I went into the reading of this book expecting dark forbidden knowledge on how people affect everything you do and sneaky tricks pertaining to how to dominate that element of competition. I then proceeded to get by brain "beaten" into deserved submission as Dr Cloud revealed to me in no uncertain terms that when I'm not a "Corner Three" narcissist that gets off on criticizing and controlling others, I'm a lonely "Corner One" loser who pathologically and deliberately isolates myself from support and self sabotaging because no one understands me and no one cares to. This book shows you why every failed relationship you had failed, why every successful relationship you had succeeded and the why's/how's pertaining to the failures of talented and driven people who burn themselves out because they have no good support networks of "Others" or even worse if you're like me, that thinking vulnerability is weakness is dooming yourself to mediocrity, neurosis and more. I can't remember the last time I finished a book feeling so ashamed of past behavior that I had no idea was hurting myself and others and yet optimistic about change because so much accurate light was beamed onto the problem. The only complaint I could possibly levy against this book is that in my view, its written by such an expert with seemingly effortless success in this area of life that to many people that need the concepts in this book more than anyone are likely to just dismiss it as feel good utopian psychobabble. Heck, I'm scared because I still find myself largely unable to implement the concepts in the book despite some meaningful progress due to addictions of past behavior but the book is so well written, I can't even lie to myself anymore when I dismiss a potential bandmate out of hand for "not being even close to my level" or cruelly snarl at my step father that his apology meant "nothing" to me after he genuinely tried to make amends for a mistake. But as Cloud states in the book, divisive people are often impossible to reason with because they refuse to take a hard look at themselves and after reading this masterpiece, I'm as determined as I can be not to be one of them
I anxiously awaited the publication of this new book by Dr Henry Cloud and had even pre-ordered it. I was not disappointed and believe he did well to build upon previous work on this subject.This book was an excellent read. As a pastor who works with small groups and helping people connect in relationships this book is especially helpful in understanding the “psychology†behind relational connection.Often in our lives we unintentionally repeat patterns of relating to others around us based upon patterns of connection that we have learned often on a subconscious level. Likewise the right relationships in our lives has the power to impact us greatly both positively and negatively based on how “healthy†these relationships are for us. If you have ever wondered how and why some people are able to surpass limits. I think at some level most us wonder how we become better, how we become more. Dr Henry Cloud does well to guide the reader to understanding how it happens and how you can do so as well.Here are my two primary “take-aways†from this book:The three elements that form the triangle of well-being work together to build, drive, create, and regulate our functioning and performance. What are the three? They are our brain/ body (the physical), our relational connections, and our minds, which regulate the energy and information needed to live and perform.Our relationships help write the “code†of whom we become and are becoming. Relationships have power, for good and for bad. Good and bad “code,†and good and bad “energy.†They affect all three parts of the triangle of well-being: the physical, the interpersonal, and the psychological.How significantly relational connections with others impact us in areas even outside of interpersonal skills but correlates to physical and psychological as well. Relationships write the code of whom we become and who we are becoming. I think we undervalue the role relationships play in our lives.The “Four Corners of Connection†what a “corner four†relationship looks like. Here are the four corners of connection:-Disconnected-No Connection-The Bad Connection-The Pseudo-Good Connection-True ConnectionFrom these “four corners†of connection we are to engage in relationships that give us energy not take it away.Relationship, the connection between people, not only enhances our mental functioning, but actually works to impart it, to provide it. Capacity is built through energy and intelligence. I love the definition of energy that Siegel uses , borrowing a phrase from physicists. It is “the capacity to do something.â€People give energy, and they take it away. Know the difference and plan accordingly.The right kind of relationship will bring us to new levels of challenge and growth.Frequently, we don’t have a clue about the abilities and assets we possess. They have never been pointed out to us. That’s what the right kind of Corner Four relationship does: it spots a hidden asset you possess and shows you how to access it.So-called self-improvement—the process of getting better— is really a relational enterprise, not a “self†enterprise.As a leader, a spouse, a colleague, and a parent, take time to ask yourself: Have I shown the people I want to have a Corner Four relationship with that I truly am listening, that I understand them? And, before you invest your trust in someone else, ask yourself if you feel that they are listening and truly understand where you’re coming from. I will rarely invest in or with someone who can’t listen.If you’re a leader, do your people know that you’re for them? Your kids? Spouse? I presume that you are, but if you want trust to flourish, you have to make sure that they know it as well.
So many times I have run into barriers that I have never been able to conquer. I see the possibility of so much more, but it is never attainable. This book has finally given me the key to being able to move past the feasible and into unlimited possibility ... The power of intentionally inviting, including, and infusing others in every area of life!
Though written with executives in mind, the ideas are applicable for everyone. I loved how Henry Cloud describes "Four Corners" of relationships. He challenged me to work on having "Corner Four" relationships and to be a person who gives others that kind of relationship. You won't be disappointed with reading this book.
This isn't new or earth shattering material, but it is really important and relevant especially in today's world of easy social relationships. I love how Dr. Cloud shows us that healthy relationships push us to be better and to be able to do more than we could on our own. I highly recommend!
This book gets into how to develop relationships that help you and others grow. It also talks about what really helps you meet goals. It explains why you can't get to the next level merely with positive self-talk because you need to have the skills, not just a change in thinking.
This book is amazing! I definitely recommend it to anyone. Especially loners such as myself. By "loner" I mean someone that is naturally okay with being by yourself. Sometimes we feel like we carry everything inside and since we are strong people, we have a tendency of handling our own problems within. This only just means we haven't found the connection that fuels us. Bottom line, you can't do it alone and this book explains how important that connection (corner four connection) is. You have to be able to be vulnerable for the need. The connection will make you a better person than you already are.
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